'Dear God, before I got an answer to why I'm gay, I have to deal with HIV too?'
This is a story of how one man struggled with his HIV diagnosis, stepped back from the brink, and turned despair into hope.
Weston (not his real name) was still a student, and had just ended a monogamous gay relationship, when the devastating news came, he told AsiaOne.
His family didn't even know about his sexual orientation and he couldn't open up to them.
The medication cost hundreds of dollars a month.
He ended up going to a high floor, looking down, contemplating the abyss. But he managed to step back and soldier on.
That was nine years ago. Today, in his 30s, he leads a double life.
His family still has no idea of what he has been through, but he has a steady job, the medications are now subsidised, and he is in a loving relationship.
He wants to save enough to take his family on an overseas vacation.
And while his condition is still a secret kept from most of the people in his life, he opens up with his musings, fears and anxieties on Instagram under the handle @positivelivinginsg.
Before that, he could rely on only a few close friends and his partner of seven years for emotional support.
ONLINE SUPPORT
Now, he says he has total strangers reaching out to him with encouraging messages, and he has even caught the attention of one of his idols, Pose star Dominique Jackson, who left a 'like' on one of his posts.
He has come a long way. He says on Instagram: "Since the diagnosis, I've been asking God, Why me? Why am I infected with HIV? You still haven't answered my question about my 'gay sexuality', which I've been struggling with for years, and now I have to deal with HIV?"
It took him years to come to terms with the diagnosis. He was still in university when he was hit with the news that he had contracted HIV from his ex-boyfriend.
"I felt disgusted after discovering that he was cheating on me," he said. "I felt much worse when he didn't even dare to tell me to get tested."
He found out about his condition only after they broke up, when he took a test after experiencing fever and chills that lasted over a week.
In a particularly raw Instagram post, he describes how he left the clinic after receiving his diagnosis and took a lift to the ninth storey of a nearby HDB block.
To read the rest of the story on AsiaOne, click here.
SINGAPORE HELPLINES
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800
Institute of Mental Health's Mental Health Helpline: 6389-2222
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