Emergency case at French hospital - man with bomb in bum, Latest World News - The New Paper

Emergency case at French hospital - man with bomb in bum

Proctologists have the funniest stories about people sticking things in their bottoms and then pretending it was an accident, says a character in a classic sitcom.

But it could not have been a joke for doctors at a hospital in France when an elderly patient turned up with an artillery shell lodged in his rectum.

The 20cm-long and 5cm-wide shell was surgically removed. But not before the bomb squad was called in and parts of the hospital were evacuated as a precaution.

The 88-year-old man was expected to make a full recovery.

The incident happened in the city of Toulon last Saturday night, multiple media reports said, mostly quoting the French news outlet Var-Matin.

Other emergency cases had to be diverted away from the hospital as bomb disposal experts determined that the shell was a collector’s item, a type used in World War I more than a century ago, and was unlikely to explode.

Nonetheless, it must have been a nervous bunch of medical staff who attended to this patient.

The man appears to have admitted that he did it for sexual pleasure. He did not claim to have had some freak accident, saying: "A million to one shot, doc. Million to one!"

If you remember Seinfeld, you may know that the line is from the ‘Assman’ episode, The Fusilli Jerry. Here is a clip from it.

The whole show is now on Netflix.

And given the happy ending in this case, it could be just the thing for those involved to watch.

For the patient though, laughing a lot may still be a bit painful.

Or for that matter, imagining what it would have been like if, instead of a smooth shell casing, the object that ended up there was a figurine made of corkscrew pasta.