‘Many are suffering in silence’: SGAG’s Xiao Ming on men navigating infertility
The men get it too: The emotional rollercoaster some women feel while navigating infertility.
Mr Adrian Ang, better known as Xiao Ming in videos on Singapore humour site SGAG, found out that his sperm had poor morphology and low motility when he and his wife experienced much difficulty conceiving before finally becoming proud parents to their two-year-old son Zachary.
Mr Ang, co-founder and chief creative officer of Hepmil Media Group, said the top three challenges he faced in their infertility journey were knowing that there was something wrong with him that was affecting his fertility; the lack of social support as there were barely any men out there talking about their fertility issue; and how his hope of having a child repeatedly turned to disappointment.
“When I started opening up, I was surprised that many other couples, especially men, were going through the same thing, and many are suffering in silence by themselves,” he said.
He and his wife Goh Xin Lei, a senior manager at a global professional services firm, both 37, shared their experience as special guests at a dialogue session on infertility at 64 Club Street on June 29. The event, Voices Of Hope: Navigating Infertility Together, was organised by Fertility Support SG to mark its transition into a non-profit Institution of Public Character.
Fertility Support SG started in December 2020 as a volunteer-driven group made up of women who have faced or are facing fertility issues. It has over 8,000 followers on Instagram, and 2,500 in a private Facebook Group.
It supports couples who are trying and struggling to conceive, or who experience infertility or miscarriage, even as the resident total fertility rate in Singapore dropped to a record low of 0.97 in 2023.
Ms Lin Shumin, a 39-year-old lawyer and mother of two IVF babies, is the group’s president and one of the founders. She said: “We’ve always been a group of real women who have struggled through infertility, just trying to help others not feel alone as we did, and the IPC status lends weight to our efforts.”
Ms Indranee Rajah, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office, who was the guest of honour at the event, said financial support such as co-funding for assisted conception procedures is available in public healthcare institutions.
Beyond financial support, the Health Ministry introduced regulatory requirements mandating that assisted reproduction centres offer psychosocial counselling to patients prior to any procedure, and refer the patients for psychosocial counselling if required.
“When I talk to employers about flexible work arrangements, we are urging employers to be more understanding, to know that it is not just for the women who may be undergoing the treatment, but also to allow time-off for the husbands because they need to be there to support their wives,” Ms Indranee added.
Mr Ang and Ms Goh wedded in November 2015 and started trying for a baby in 2018 with no success. Ms Goh went to a women’s clinic in early 2019, and was prescribed pills to help regulate her ovulation. However, that did not help.
In 2019, the couple underwent two rounds of the artificial insemination procedure intrauterine insemination (IUI) and one of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF). All three attempts were futile.
A second attempt at IVF in May 2020 resulted in a pregnancy – and a miscarriage in June 2020 at nine weeks.
After one more attempt of IUI and IVF each, the couple decided to take a break from fertility treatment.
In December 2021, Ms Goh discovered that she was pregnant, naturally. Zachary was born in July 2022.
While Mr Ang believes it will take another miracle for him and his wife to have a second child, he said: “Opening up to friends, family and colleagues who are close to you about your struggles with infertility would help you build a stronger support system. I know it is hard but don’t lose faith, keep trying.”
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