Is your child being bullied? Don’t ignore the signs
Parents play a key role in identifying signs of bullying in their child and offering support.
Signs your child may be getting bullied
Look out for complaints of headaches or stomach aches, which commonly happen around the time school starts, said Ms Gloria Ng, deputy director and head of student service at Singapore Children’s Society.
Victims of bullying may also have problems with sleep, a change in appetite, regressive behaviours like bed-wetting, mood swings and behavioural changes, she added.
Take note if they share about being alone during recess and after school, or about wanting to hurt others or take revenge, Ms Ng said.
Physical bullying often shows up in the form of unexplained bruises, frequently damaged or lost belongings, or wanting to skip school, said clinical psychologist Annabelle Chow.
Children who are bullied may also stick to their teachers during breaks, or show a sudden drop in academic performance, she added.
Socially, children may mention being excluded by peers, or avoid activities they once enjoyed, said Dr Chow. Some may also exhibit traits of anxiousness and anger and become more withdrawn, or experience a drop in self-esteem.
The signs are similar for victims of cyber bullying, she said. “The child may either avoid using their phone or computer out of fear of online harassment, or spend excessive time checking their messages, comments, posts, or become secretive about online interactions.”
How do I get my child to open up?
Create a supportive environment through daily conversations about their school, friends and social media, said Dr Chow. Reassure children that they would not be judged or punished for sharing their problems.
To broach the topic of bullying, start with open-ended questions in a quiet and comfortable setting, said Dr Chow, adding that parents should listen attentively and ask follow-up questions.
“This shows you care and helps the child feel heard. Reflect their emotions and stay calm, even if the situation is upsetting,” she said.
One way, said Ms Ng, is to start by asking if they have witnessed other students being bullied or heard of incidents in their school.
“Children may sometimes be wary about disclosing their experiences with bullying due to shame, fear of consequences and guilt, so it could be helpful to start conversations without placing the focus on them,” she said.
Withhold blame, assure support and offer practical steps to protect themselves, said Ms Ng. Parents should keep children in the discussion of what steps they might take.
“Children are often the ones in the situation and most impacted, and there may be nuances that adults may not be privy to,” she said, adding that some children may prefer to try resolving the situation on their own first.
Parents can also empower their children, said Dr Chow, by teaching them how to assert themselves which builds their confidence, remove themselves from harmful situations, and seek help.
It is also important to help children regulate their emotions, she said, with techniques like deep breathing, counting, listening to music, journalling, or talking to someone they trust.
Parents play a crucial role in creating a safe environment for the child, where they feel comfortable to seek help, said Dr Chow.
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