Neil Humphreys gives football a James Bond look
Meet football's version of 007
The world queued up to watch Spectre this week, also known as Arsenal's defensive performance against Bayern Munich.
But as the latest James Bond movie hits a cinema near you, it's an ideal time to see which 007 characters are a match for their football counterparts.
1. SEAN CONNERY'S JAMES BOND
He killed people. He always prevailed. He was a Scot. He had no sense of humour. He was Sir Alex Ferguson.
In the new movie Spectre, M takes over from a popular, outspoken woman, rather like the new team doctor at Chelsea.
3. GEORGE LAZENBY'S JAMES BOND
He actually starred in one of the best 007 movies - On Her Majesty's Secret Service - but he was clearly out of his depth and always being compared to a legendary Scot. David Moyes remembers it well. In both cases, their employers now pretend it never happened.
4. FRANZ OBERHAUSER
In Spectre, Christoph Waltz's villain believes he can control the world by messing with technology. He's Joey Barton with a Twitter account.
5. ROSA KLEBB
For younger readers, Rosa Klebb was a villain in From Russia With Love. She kept a poisoned knife in her shoe. The sour-faced woman took out her enemies with a sly kick. Stick a red wig on Diego Costa and you'd think the pair was separated at birth.
6. ROGER MOORE'S JAMES BOND
Everyone has a soft spot for Moore. He never won any awards, but he made people laugh while laughing all the way to the bank. That was Harry Redknapp's secret to management. One had the eyebrow. The other had an eye squint. Both had tax issues.
At the moment, it's John Terry whenever he's in the box.
Goldfinger wants to control the world's gold supply. Even then, he probably wouldn't have as much as Raheem Sterling. In his movie, Goldfinger planned to rob Fort Knox, where much of the world's wealth was concentrated until it was shifted to Manchester City.
9. TIMOTHY DALTON'S JAMES BOND
Dalton considered himself to be a respected, experienced serious professional, but his work was boring. He was the Louis van Gaal of the Bond franchise. In fairness, Dalton worked with weak scripts. Van Gaal works with Wayne Rooney.
10. TEE HEE
In Live and Let Die, Tee Hee had a menacing metal hook in place of a right hand. He was strong, but couldn't hold anything. If you haven't seen the movie, think of Arsenal goalkeeper David Ospina.
In the new movies, Q gets mocked for his youth and lack of experience, but still thinks he can come up with a newfangled idea to save the day. He's Brendan Rodgers. The only difference is in Spectre, Q gets angry that £3 million ($6.4m) were wasted on a single item. He should probably avoid Liverpool's dressing room.
12. PIERCE BROSNAN'S JAMES BOND
Brosnan suffered because his Bond movies cost more and more money, but made less and less sense. He started with Goldeneye and ended with an invisible car. Steven Gerrard started with a golden night in Istanbul and ended with an invisible defence. In his final movie, Brosnan starred in Die Another Day. In his final Liverpool season, poor Gerrard died every Saturday.
13. MISS MONEYPENNY
Every time Miss Moneypenny appears on screen, Arsenal fans must think of their manager. When Arsene Wenger thinks money, he thinks pennies.
14. PUSSY GALORE
No one knows more about Pussy Galore than Ryan Giggs. He's talented and supports the main man. You knew what I meant, right?
15. DANIEL CRAIG'S JAMES BOND
He saved the franchise twice, first with Casino Royale and again with Skyfall. Jose Mourinho did the same with Chelsea. Craig said he'd rather kill himself than play Bond again. Mourinho may feel the same if he has to play John Terry again. Both Craig and Mourinho are loyal to their iconic characters, but they are on different paths. Bond will always have his licence to kill. Terry looks like he's got a licence to keel over.
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