Why Gen Z couples say no to hawker centre first dates

Singapore’s hawker centres are great for many things: cheap meals, convenient access, even cultural cachet. It did, after all, earn Singapore its first inscription on Unesco’s Intangible Cultural Heritage list.

But first dates? Not so much, according to a survey published by online dating application Bumble earlier in 2024. It found that only around 16 per cent of Singaporeans went to a hawker centre on a first date, while just 30 per cent have been there at all with a partner.

“Hawker centres are undoubtedly one of Singapore’s most iconic and popular dining locations, so I had expected more Singaporeans to have dates there more often,” says Ms Chen Meihui, 30, Bumble’s Asia-Pacific communications lead. 

She adds that this lower-than-expected figure could be attributed to how couples might view eating at hawker centres as an act of convenience, instead of a date.

In fact, 23 per cent of Gen Z respondents – aged 18 to 26 – feel that such eateries are “unacceptable” as a first-date spot, with 20 per cent of younger millennials – those aged 27 to 34 – and 18 per cent of older millennials – aged 35 to 47 – sharing that view.

According to Bumble, this could signal that Gen Zers place more emphasis on the importance of first impressions. 

Ms Vivien Cheong, 54, an administrative and operations executive, who is mother to a 25-year-old, agrees. She met her husband Thomas Ong, a 55-year-old business development director, in 1989 while working a temporary clerical job at an engineering firm.

Hawker centres were their main date venues. They have now been married for nearly 30 years.

“We didn’t have a lot of money, so we went on simple dates at hawker centres or at my home, where food was free,” she says. 

“Now, dating is more expensive. Kids get a lot of pocket money, and sometimes they like to outdo one another by posting their dates on social media.” 

Ms Cheong and her husband are one of four couples interviewed by The Straits Times to find out how dating etiquette has evolved over the years: how they met, what romance meant to their generation, and – the perennial issue confronting young people whose romantic ambitions outstrip their financial means – how to keep dates affordable. 

Defining dating

The definition of dating depends on whom you ask. For retirees Jeffrey Goh, 77, and Alice Seow, 69, it simply refers to the period of courtship before marriage.

They met by chance at Tay Buan Guan Building, a shopping centre in Joo Chiat, in 1973. Mr Goh was then a 26-year-old teacher starting to feel the pressure to settle down soon – “once you hit 25 in those days, you’re considered left on the shelf” – while the then-18-year-old Ms Seow was an aspiring stenographer out shopping for stockings with a friend.

She shared her home number, but agreed to go out with him only four months later. 

They dated for around three years before thinking about marriage, a stark contrast to his own parents’ whirlwind union, in which dating hardly figured. They were matchmade by a relative and met only a couple of times before tying the knot. 

Ms Seow did not receive a proposal, but she did get an HDB flat in lieu of a ring.

Says Mr Goh: “She asked me how much I had in savings and if we should book an HDB flat. That was the moment I knew she was willing to marry me.”

In 1977, the couple, whose two children are now in their 40s, sealed the deal with a simple ceremony at the Registry of Marriages witnessed by their friends. 

But for social media associate Nadiya Nabilah, 24, and public servant Shahrukh Irfan, 25, a few more steps were involved. First came the all-important “what are we” talk, which the Republic Polytechnic classmates – then aged 17 and 18 – had in November 2017.

“I asked him, what’s this energy, this vibe between us? Do you want to try this out?” recalls Ms Nadiya. He did, and their first outing was a study date at McDonald’s in Woodlands Civic Centre, a casual joint befitting the casual status of their relationship. 

Still, they clashed over what exactly “casual” meant.  

Ms Nadiya recalls: “I thought we could meet other people while dating. I was still talking to other guys, but he had the perception that once you start dating, you’re stuck with that person.”  

Mr Shahrukh says: “I didn’t know where she got that idea from. I thought once you liked each other, the relationship just began. But apparently, the dating stage was for us to test the waters first.”

To clear the air, he officially asked her to be his girlfriend in January 2018. Six years later, he proposed. 

Despite the added complications of modern love, marriage remains steadfastly intertwined with the bureaucracy of public housing.

Mr Shahrukh popped the question in the carpark of HDB Hub in Toa Payoh, shortly after the couple had officially booked their Build-To-Order (BTO) flat. 

According to Ms Andrea Tan, an intimacy and relationship coach in her 40s who runs private practice Athena Rising, the internet has changed the way people date.

“Whereas previously, it was an expression of interest that involved some face-to-face meeting, there’s now more nuance around dating. It is harder to navigate, but also more accessible,” she says.

“There’s a whole spectrum of interactions that could fall under the umbrella of dating, even connections and conversations on an app.” 

Dating apps might now be commonplace, but 30-year-old Holly Matthews Way, who met Mr Matthew Way, 33, on Bumble in 2018, remembers when online matches were still novel and unfamiliar. Even scarier was the fact that she was required to start the conversation, which she did with a line about video games.

“It was terrifying. As a woman, you’re not used to having to make the first move,” says the Singaporean communications manager who now lives in Melbourne with her Australian software engineer husband of four years.

The idea of dating as a test-bed stage preceding an official relationship felt new too. “For women of my age, dating was a new concept. Most people met their partners through school, church or work. Once they got together, they would already be steady. People wouldn’t go out with someone they didn’t already know.” 

Hot spots 

For their first date, the couple started with drinks at Mooloolabar in East Coast Road. They then hit her favourite Italian restaurant, Al Forno, along the same stretch, where they “pretty much stayed until the restaurant was almost closing”.  

She wanted somewhere familiar with good food and the right atmosphere. “That felt like a safe space to take someone into,” she remembers.

Though the couple eventually visited hawker centres on subsequent dates, she was unsure whether these would provide the most conducive environment for them to get to know each other.

“It becomes a bit tricky to have quality time with someone at a hawker centre if you need to find a table, share it with aunties and uncles, and line up for food.” 

For Ms Nadiya, it is an experience that can get quite stressful with a new potential partner. She prefers to stick to cafes, though she and her fiance dine at hawker centres on occasion now that their relationship is more established.

Relationship coach Ms Tan agrees. “For first dates, there’s a certain build-up. You want to be able to feel nice while on a date, which helps to establish that mental and emotional connection. Some people also want options that are more Instagram-friendly.”

However, that does not mean that Singaporeans routinely splash out on Michelin-starred restaurants to impress potential partners. On the contrary, that type of flashy showboating appears to have faded out of fashion. 

“Ten or 15 years ago, dating coaches might have recommended doing your nails the day before a date. But now, it’s all about showing off your style, your authenticity. Singaporeans are less impressed with over-the-top dates and more interested in casual, thrifty dates,” she says.  

Trends come and go, but there is one element Ms Tan thinks will always remain central to the dating experience.

“Food has a very strong cultural and psychological place in Singapore. It’s a common language, a safe topic that can create a buffer against awkwardness on the first date.” 

For instance, if you do not know what to say or where to put your hands, you can just focus on the plate in front of you. It is also more interactive than watching a movie, and one learns a lot about one’s partner by observing the way he or she interacts with the service staff. 

Little wonder that food has long been used as a justification to meet and chat, though the informality of meeting for a meal outside is a recent development, says Dr Stella Quah, an adjunct professor at Duke-NUS Medical School who researches family sociology. 

“Early in the past century, parents would consider inviting their son’s or daughter’s family for a meal at home only when the young people began their formal courtship. Before that, the suitor would make supervised visits occasionally at teatime,” she says. 

As education levels improved and tradition gave way to a Westernised form of romance, Singaporeans started to take charge of their own love lives.

In the 1970s, common dating activities included going to the movies, taking a stroll, shopping or visiting discos. Food was popular too, though there was a limit to what young couples could afford. 

“We loved to eat, and would visit pasar malams and (open-air hawker centre) The Satay Club. Sometimes, we even went for ice cream. There were very few restaurants open then, and we certainly couldn’t afford them,” says Mr Goh. 

Fast food, which is now seen as the cheapest, most accessible option for young couples, was considered a rare treat for Ms Cheong and Mr Ong in the 1990s. 

Many of their dates consisted of activities that did not involve eating, like taking a walk in the park, going fishing, even digging up earthworms at what is now Jurong Lake Gardens. 

These days, their couple outings have evolved into overseas trips to Bali or Japan. While in Singapore, they find snatches of quality time wherever possible – a trip to the supermarket, taking an evening walk or having breakfast on the weekends. 

Ms Cheong says: “Back when our parents were working hard to provide for us, we had to make do with what we had. But we learnt that even mundane things can be a date. It’s about how you make the best of it.”

Pocket-friendly date ideas

As these couples have shown, you do not need to break the bank to make an impression. “Meaningful time spent together is the heart of what makes a good date,” says Bumble’s Ms Chen. 

She adds that a new trend of mundane dating has emerged, in which Singaporeans turn everyday tasks into romantic activities.

Here are some pocket-friendly dates that can help you check off an errand or two along the way. 

• Grocery shopping: Your mother needs a bag of onions and you need an excuse to see your crush. The supermarket is the perfect place for a low-stakes, low-budget date. If it gets awkward, you can always disappear into another aisle. But if it goes well, you could turn up the heat by cooking a meal together.
• Long bus rides: This works best if you are both travelling in the same direction. Bonus points if you manage to snag a front-row seat on the upper floor of a double-decker bus. It is a great chance to get to know each other better, says Ms Tan. But try to avoid a crowded bus – the lack of privacy may dissuade some from sharing personal details.
• A trip to Ikea: Nothing subtle about this one. According to Ms Tan, a trip to the furniture store is a chance for both parties to visualise what living in the same space will be like. Maybe save it for when you are ready to have that conversation.