Professional dominatrix available for hire in Singapore
It's not quite your Fifty Shades Of Grey but yes, you can hire a professional dominatrix here in Singapore. There is strictly no sex, but you will have to call them "Mistress".
At first glance, this young woman, who stands at a petite 1.57m and weighs a mere 47kg, does not look like she could inflict pain on anyone.
And certainly not on men taller and bigger than her.
But Mistress Anja, as she prefers to be called, assures you that she can pack a wallop in her "dungeon" (a room where discipline and bondage activities take place) when she assumes the role of a professional dominatrix or pro-domme.
This is a woman who, for a fee, takes the dominant role in bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) activities.
Her clients, who take on the passive and obedient role, are known as submissives.
Contrary to what many imagine, a pro-domme does not offer sex or have sexual relations with her clients.
And there is nothing illegal about their services.
A check online indicates that there are at least six pro-dommes, including Mistress Anja, in Singapore.
They list their services offered and each one-hour session starts from $200. (See report below.)
Mistress Anja, whose vital statistics are 36-24-35, has been at this job for four years.
Money was the initial draw, admits the 21-year-old who has a degree in fine arts from a local arts school.
"That's how most of us started actually," she says. "If someone offers you a job where the pay is good, why would you refuse?.
"Especially when you are a liberal person and you feel completely fine about it."
It started with a random e-mail that she received from a man who had seen her work as a photography enthusiast on a website.
She recalls: "He said that he was keen on such play but he couldn't find anyone who seemed to do this, and asked if I would be keen.
"I was like, 'sure, why not?' since he was willing to pay $300 for a session."
By word of mouth, her contact details were passed around and she says she was approached by "someone who told me that he could introduce me to a circle of people".
She adds: "He also said that I wouldn't have to worry about getting into trouble because they (the clients) will all keep their mouths shut."
One of her clients, who is 11 years older than her, went on to become her boyfriend.
The couple plan to marry next year.
Mistress Anja reveals that he was initially uncomfortable "because no man wants his girlfriend to do this" and asked her to stop.
She says: "But after a while, this is reality. This is just a job. It pays well and we need the money because we are getting married and you need money to buy a flat."
Paying well means a gross income of more than $6,000 a month for 30 hours of work. That is before she deducts the cost of transportation, hotel charges and equipment costs.
Another reason for Mistress Anja's commitment to the job: "Well, my boyfriend likes watching BDSM and dominatrix videos. He was spending (more) time on that than with me.
"I was like, why should I lose out to these videos? If this is the way, then I am going to be better."
Mistress Anja is available from Mondays to Fridays, but clients prefer Fridays because she pays for the hotel room charges.
This is because she usually sleeps over after her job is done. On other days, clients book and pay for the hotel room.
Mistress Anja says with a laugh: "When I book, it's not budget hotels but four- or five-star hotels. I do it in style."
There is no formal training school that a dominatrix can attend - you depend on reading up, watching videos and well, on the job training.
"You just have to know the difference between inflicting pleasure pain and real danger pain," she says. "Experience is the best way to learn."
Job hazards include instances when clients try to force her to have sex with them.
She says: "I make it very clear (on her website and even when confirming the booking) that there is no sex, no (oral sex). They are fully aware but some will still try it. That's when I get very angry."
For this reason, Mistress Anja carries a large pair of scissors - not that she has had to use them, but "you just need to have something to protect you".
When clients step out of line, she says: "You have to be very vocal and they must know you won't cut them any slack. Once I raise my voice, they know and always back off."
Appointments must be made three days in advance and clients have to pay a 25 per cent deposit through a bank transfer. The balance is paid before the session begins.
She says the deposit is useful. "This is to ensure that they will turn up. Also, if anything (really nasty) happens, we can always trace the account and identify the person."
Thankfully, that has not been necessary so far.
Clients also have to provide details like age, nationality and race, and state their preferences when booking.
Her youngest client was an 18-year-old NSman and the oldest a 60-year-old local man.
Mistress Anja says of the latter: "That one was really scary because I was worried that he could get a heart attack. Also, at his age, I couldn't make him crawl too much. I just had to be extra careful."
About half of her clients are repeat customers.
"One expatriate engages my service every alternate day," she claims.
Each month, she renews her collection of equipment with the latest and most interesting items.
The only child of divorced parents, Mistress Anja says only her boyfriend and close friends know what she does.
"My mother just thinks I am weird, ordering all this stuff," she adds. "But she doesn't say anything."
Her godmother, a Dutch woman, is a fetish model in Holland. Mistress Anja says: "She knows what I do and has been very supportive. But the influence didn't come from her. It was my decision to turn professional."
For those who question her ability, she says: "I may not know how qualifications in the kinky sex industry work, but I'm already sadistic by nature.
"Besides, I'm having fun and I look pretty damn hot dressed up."
BDSM can be an 'emotional release'
Psychologist Richard Lim says that for BDSM practitioners, the activity offers them an outlet for total emotional and intimate communication.
"Even among married couples, not all are open to share their innermost desires," he says.
"BDSM requires active discussions and conveying details of all aspects of a session before it begins."
Some overseas experts even believe that it could make you more psychologically healthy. In a Mail Online report last year, experts said this is because those who enjoy kinky sex are more extrovert, more open to new experiences and less neurotic.
Dr Andreas Wismeijer, a psychologist from Tilburg University in Holland, found that BDSM - bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism - practitioners "either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favourable direction".
Pro-dommes here say they have seen a gradual increase in the number of new bookings.
One fundamental principle of BDSM is that the activity should be consensual for the involved parties.
Mr Lim says: "It is generally safe as no absolute, real pain is inflicted.
"It is (a) sexual fetish for some men, especially the Alpha-males, to 'retreat' into a 'submissive' role, and (it) allows them a release from their daily stress of being in charge."
One such example is this Singaporean bachelor in his 30s, who wants to be known only as William.
As a top management member in a multi-national company here, he makes million-dollar decisions every month.
He has to oversee most of his company's operations network and by the time he returns to his private apartment in Bukit Timah, it is usually past 3am.
He says: "It got to a point where I wished someone would take control of my life."
That desire, he claims, was what led him to experiment with a different kind of sex play.
William says: "I wasn't looking for sex per se. I only wanted to enjoy a perspective where someone else was calling the shots."
A close friend suggested that he hire a dominatrix for an alternative to "vanilla" (conventional) sex.
William says: "What I really didn't expect was that I would enjoy surrendering control in the intimacy of the bedroom. It felt good to be submissive."
So good, he adds, that he books a session twice a month.
The New Paper on Sunday understands that about 20 per cent of the pro-dommes' clients are management executives and are in high-powered roles.
But, says Mistress Anja, there is "really no stereotype".
She says: "They really can be anyone from different, diverse backgrounds."
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