Bridesmaid's ‘transactional’ wedding experience sparks debate
A Reddit post by a bridesmaid airing her grievances about a friend's wedding has ignited a debate about the increasingly transactional nature of weddings in Singapore.
Redditor u/TryingMyBestttttttt vented her frustrations after the wedding experience proved more disappointing than joyful.
She highlighted issues such as having to pay for her own bridesmaid dress and receiving only a meager sum in angbaos (red packets).
The post stirred up a heated online discussion, with many netizens criticising the couple's behaviour while others questioned the bridesmaid's own expectations.
According to the Reddit user, wedding preparations, including gatecrash games and logistics, were left to the last minute. Despite this, the day itself went smoothly, with the bridesmaids helping from early morning and assisting with wedding dinner logistics.
The situation soured when the bridesmaids realised the couple had reclaimed all the gatecrash red packets, leaving them with only $100 as a token of appreciation.
“I understood from everyone that bridesmaids usually keep the gatecrash red packets,” the user wrote.
The bridesmaid also had to cover the costs of her dress and transportation, leaving her feeling underappreciated. Adding insult to injury, the couple allegedly complained about guests not contributing enough in red packets and insisted on tracking donations by requiring guests to write their names on them.
“It was so embarrassing that we had to double check and make them write or write the names ourselves,” the bridesmaid added. She concluded her post with the question: “Are weddings getting too transactional in Singapore?”
The post elicited a mixed bag of reactions. Some netizens sided with the bridesmaid, labeling the couple as “cheap” and calling out their transactional attitude.
“Just seems very transactional,” one redditor commented, “Like what happened to the wedding aspect, the joy and celebration of that day?”
Another wrote: “You need new and genuine friends.”
However, others suggested that the bridesmaid’s own expectations were also transactional.
“I think both you and your friends are transactional in different ways,” one netizen remarked. “Your friend is expecting guests to cover her wedding costs and collecting morning angbaos back.”
“You are associating your angbao to them, to how much you get back from them. When it shouldn't be that case,” the netizen continued.
The post triggered a broader discussion on the rising costs of weddings in Singapore and whether unspoken expectations can strain friendships. Some emphasised the importance of mutual generosity and understanding.
One user aptly summarised the differing perspectives: from the bride’s point of view, a true friend would do it for free, while from the bridesmaid’s perspective, a true friend would show more generosity.
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